The Peculiar Method of Cooking

11 Nov

As the official guardian of this household I work tirelessly to protect my master and his family. If you haven’t guessed, I am a dog, and live in the comforts of my master’s suburban house. These human beings have unconventional behaviors, many of which I fail to understand. The strangest thing is the way they prepare their food. As every other animal in nature does, I prefer my meat raw and obviously this is the ideal way to eat as you can really taste all the bold flavors and juices the meat has to offer. My master’s wife insists on ruining the flavor of all food by placing the meat over a fire, which appears to start out of nowhere with a simple turn of her wrist, and scorching the meat till all the natural flavors have been lost.

One day my master’s wife was making something she calls pesto pasta with chicken. She again started the magic fire without any wood and began to heat water. Once it had begun to bubble uncontrollably, the master’s wife threw in dried strips, which she called pasta, and they began to come to life as soon as they dropped into the water. She next cut the chicken into pieces and heated it until it was dry and tasteless. Finally, the master’s wife seemed to add some sort of green substance from a jar onto both the pasta and the chicken. After she was finished mutilating the flavor of the chicken she seemed content and called the entire family for dinner. Although my master gave me some to try, I long for rich, raw meat as the flavor of the human’s creation still lingers in my mouth. I think I will go eat some grass.

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